The "Upside Down Roller Coaster" Kind of Heart Moments. They're Kind of My Favourite.
Today was a roller coaster of feels. I woke up miserable because I had the worst migraine ever yesterday. I woke up feeling behind on my "to do" list because I'd spent all afternoon/evening in bed the day before. I woke up with the remanence of a headache just teasing to come back full throttle. I woke up, and my hair and makeup didn't turn out at all as I'd hoped. I woke up, and I was hungry as but ran out of time to make breakfast. I woke up, and there was all of the ice on my windshield. I woke up ready to conquer the world with a crap attitude. But then I got to church. And it made me wish I'd woken up differently.
Sitting in the row ahead of me was the sweetest little girl I've ever seen. The. Sweetest. She sat quiet the WHOLE time. She had a red bow in her hair. She had the cutest little ski jump nose. And when the sermon (the REALLY great sermon) was over, that little girl raised her hands in the air just like her Mama was doing and the two of them worshiped together. And I cried. Big. Time. All of the tears streaming down my face. And the teenage drummer saw me. He saw me good. The lead singer (the one who referred to me as "the Trinity girl" just 40 minutes earlier) saw me. He saw me good. I'm sure other people saw me too. But I didn't care. Not in the slightest. Because that little girl and her Mama? One of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Ever. I can't wait to share moments like that.
As I sat in Starbucks after church, when I was supposed to be studying, I just kept replaying it over and over and over again. How beautiful it was to see her tiny hands in the air. How her Mama leaned in to kiss her forehead between each verse. How sweet that moment was. How sweet of a mood I was in now compared to the one I woke up in. Sometimes moments like these happen, and they make your heart ride a rollercoaster. The kind that goes upside down and makes your tummy do flips. The kind that takes a photo of you as you're grinning from ear to ear.
As I sat in Starbucks after church, when I was supposed to be studying, I remembered another one of these moments. When I was home for Christmas, I was staying with some kids, and the youngest announced that she and I were going to have a Bible study and that she was going to find the book of Job before me. She did. And I just kept replaying it over and over and over again. How she read numerous chapters aloud to me while I made her dinner. How she stumbled over words but refused to ask for help. How she made me sit with her and hold her hand in between stirring and slicing.
As I sat in Starbucks after church, when I was supposed to be studying, I remembered another one of these moments. I remembered something I'd been taught in a Gospel Class a couple of years ago and then revisited in a conversation over dinner just a couple of weeks ago: God is good, so I don’t have to look elsewhere. God is great, so I don’t have to be in control. God is gracious, so I don’t have to be perfect. God is glorious, so I don’t have to be afraid. I just keep saying it over and over and over again. And over again.
Today was a roller coaster of feels. I woke up miserable. But I'm anything but miserable right now. Because I just keep replaying it all over and over and over again. So tomorrow, I plan on waking up and lifting my hands to Him, reading the book of Job, and reminding myself that because God is good, I don't have to look elsewhere, because God is great, I don't have to be in control, because God is gracious, I don't have to be perfect, and because God is glorious, I don't have to be afraid. Ever.
Those roller coaster kind of heart moments? They're kind of my favourite kind of heart moments.
This song is my prayer this week. That He'd fall afresh on us. On me.
