Choosing Joy, Jazz, Jammies, Jobe, and Jesus
Here's the thing... This week, I chose joy. I also chose jazz. And jammies. And Jobe. And Jesus.
I left my home and my people on Monday, started my new classes on Tuesday, and preserved through Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. And through every moment of it all, I chose joy. And what a difference it's made.
A few days before I was supposed to leave for school, I sat at our kitchen island across from my mum and cried big, ugly tears. I could not even bear the thought of leaving. When it came to saying goodbye a few days later, both my mum and I were emotional. She was crying because she knew how sad I was to go. Mums do that, you know. They cry for you. Even if they'd rather cry for themselves. They still cry for you. There were even more tears to follow as I drove out of my friend's driveway. More big, ugly tears. After having put on a brave face until I was sure she couldn't see me anymore, of course. Although, she always knows when I'm crying. She calls it her spidey-senses; I call it my favourite.
Despite all the tears, I knew I was ready to go back to school this time. I hadn't felt ready to go back to school since... I seriously don't even know when. Or if. Someone asked me, "You ready?" And I very matter-of-fact-ly and honestly answered, "Yes."
Despite being ready, I was desperately looking for an excuse to stay at home for a day or two longer. About 20 minutes into my drive, all of the powdery snow was blowing all over the place and I could see all of the nothing. My mum is cringing real hard right now; I don't know that she knew just how bad the roads were until well, now. For over an hour, I saw nothing but the hood of my car. And barely even that. I pulled over just a few minutes down the road from where I was supposed to pick up a girl from my dorm and called my friend. If I'd called my mum, I would have just cried. Daughters do that, you know. Cry when they hear their Mama's voice over the phone. Especially if they're driving back to University. I was hoping my friend would tell me that I should turn around and come home. Immediately. This was, after all, the excuse I'd been looking for. Instead, she told me that she was praying real hard for me and to just trust my heart. Friends do that, you know. Say all of the right things. Especially when they hear that you're on the verge of tears. So I ventured on. Slowly and safely. The roads went from bad to worse to just fine!
Once we were at school, I unpacked all of my things. I was in quite the mood because I was pretty sure I'd rather be at home. But the moment I saw a good friend of mine, her embrace changed everything. I knew I was right where I was meant to be. And from that moment on, I chose joy.
That night, I went to see "La La Land" (which is where the jazz comes in). It's a seriously sweet movie. It's a musical, and so, naturally, my heart melted the. Whole. Time. I don't often stay out that late, but I'd decided earlier in the day that I was going to choose joy. And so I chose jazz.
I've had so many beautiful moments this week. So many joyful ones. Beautiful, joyful moments. Beautiful, joyful conversations with beautiful, joyful friends. Inconceivably joyful moments.
I've also been choosing jammies this week. Go with me for a second. I am determined not to be as tired as I was last semester. And so the second I can, I put my jammies on and all is right in the world. My body and my brain know that it's time to sleep and so that's what they do. In order to choose joy, I need to choose jammies.
If you don't know who Kari Jobe is, you are missing out. Really, truly, and seriously missing out. She is a Christian singer. One of my favourites. And she's releasing a new album in February. I've been listening to her 3 singles, already released from that album, on repeat. Non. Stop. I wish February would just get here already so that I could listen to the rest of her songs on repeat. Non. Stop. Every lyric that she writes and sings wrecks me. In the greatest way. I could go on and on and on about her. But what you most need to know is that because I chose joy, I chose Jobe. You'd do well to choose her too. Real well.
Above all, I chose Jesus. I chose to see Him in everything and everyone. In order for there to be any joy, there needs to be Jesus. I've spent many an hour, this week, nose deep in my new study Bible. Many an hour studying Jesus. Choosing Jesus. Choosing joy.
For this week, and for all of the weeks to come, I am choosing Joy. I am choosing Jazz. I am choosing Jammies. I am choosing Jobe. I am choosing Jesus.
Choosing joy looks differently for everyone. These are some of the ways I chose joy this week: I chose joy by reading and re-reading my confession from IF Gathering. And as I did, I realized that when I confessed those things, I meant them. Hard. But that I mean them even more now than I did then. I chose joy by wearing stolen socks. When you wear stolen socks, you don't miss the person you stole them from as much as you usually do because you're "wearing" that person. Creepy and joyful. I chose joy by saying "yes." Yes to the things I wanted to do. And yes to the things people more stubborn than I convinced me to say yes to. And everyone of those yeses was the perfect yes. I chose joy by spending time updating and following my day planner. All the colours and posts its in all the land. Enough said. I chose joy by choosing Kari Jobe. Seriously.. Look her up. I chose joy by going to birthday celebrations, out for dinner with a friend, to the movies, to study at Starbucks, and for walks around our frozen pond. I chose joy by spending time by myself listening to the Princess Bride. That might have been one of the most joyful things I did all week. I chose joy by listening for Jesus, eating popcorn, actually spending time doing my hair, crying, laughing, singing in my car, studying the Bible, praying by myself and with others, having the greatest conversations, and sleeping in.
I realized this week that choosing joy is a hell of a lot more effortless and less exhausting than choosing any of the other feels. Not that we can't feel those feels some days, because we can. And I do. But above all of those other feels, I choose to feel joy.
