04.16.17
I will never forget this day. Ever. I wish this day hadn't ended. Ever.
See, I wrote this post 2 days after "this day" and published it, but I am only just now making it public. 2 whole months after my last post that proudly declared I was going to make more time to blog, I'm blogging. Here's the thing, I could have made the time. But I didn't want to. I didn't want this post to be public until now. I wanted that time to myself. And rightfully so (in my mind anyway). I was enjoying time with myself, my friends, and my family. I was finishing my fourth year of University. I was moving home. I was navigating friendships, relationships, hardships, discipleship, and worship. I was tired. I'm still tired. And I was unsure that this post would ever be made public. But now it has been.
I will never forget this day. Ever. I wish this day hadn't ended. Ever.
And another day will come that will be my new day I wish had never ended, but for now? This is it. This is that day for me.
In September of 2012, I met Kirstin Hall. A few months later, I met her husband, Ben. Because of the two of them, I met Jesus. Because of Jesus, I met the two of them. When I first met Christ, I was barely keeping my eyes above the waves, but now I am drowning in His grace. When I fell apart last summer, He pieced me back together until I was whole and His again. He hoped for me during the happiness, and He held me during the heartbreak. He gave me courage and resilience. He gave me couches to fall asleep on and hands to hold my own while I fell asleep. And now I’m giving myself to Him, publicly declaring that “I am His.” In April of 2017, that very same Kirstin spoke beautiful, gracious words just moments before I was baptized by that very same Ben. (https://www.instagram.com/p/BS-LHQIjcZx/?taken-by=mikaylanicolem&hl=en)
The day you are baptized is one of the most incredible days. Period. The day you are baptized with most of your family sitting in the congregation? The. Most. Incredible. Day. Period.
Jesus was a part of every moment of this day. The nerves leading up. Getting ready the morning of. The songs we sang. The hand-holding. The people who came for me. The behind the scenes in the prayer room. Every step into the tank. The words. The dunk. The hugs. The moments. The photos. All of it.
I showered the next day, but I refused to wash my hair. I needed the water from the tank to have been the last thing that soaked my hair for just a little while longer.
I found a blue pebble at my friend's the night before my baptism and I rolled it between my fingers, switching it from hand to hand for hours. And so sometimes, I pull that blue pebble out of my wallet and roll it between my fingers so that, for just a brief moment, I can remember the conversation that led up this Easter. This day. 04-16-17. Because I don't ever want to forget it.
This Easter fo' sho' wasn't about Cadbury Creme Eggs. It was about Jesus.
It was about showing the people I love the most that I love Jesus the mostest. And that I'm not ashamed of it. And that I pray my children will love Him too. Even more than I do.
I guess this is what I want you to know about me. About Jesus. About the two of us...
Even after having accepted God into my heart, there are still days that I wake up sad. There are still days that I get frustrated. I still make mistakes. I might be more unworthy of His love today than I was the day I met Him. But He loves me still. And I love better. And I am happier. And my frustration is made less by prayer. And my tears? My pain? They have a purpose. And a Redeemer. I have a purpose. A damn good one. I have a Redeemer. The greatest One.
This was the song in my heart when I woke up that morning.
This was one of the songs we sang and made me cry REAL BIG, HOT tears. And now it means the world to me today.
This was our Easter message.
I feel like I have so much more to say. But I also want to keep some of this day for me.
God is good. God is great. God is gracious. God is glorious.
Always.
Thank you Ben. Thank you Kirstin. Thank you Mum & Dad. Thank you Jesus.
